Before we go any further, I'd like for you to imagine your own toilet for a moment. Perhaps it's sparkly clean; perhaps it's dinghy and dirty; perhaps it smells lemon-fresh; perhaps it smells a different sort of fresh.
Regardless of your crapper and its specifics, I am willing to stake my life on a single assumption: your toilet doesn't feature a bevy of soft-core pornography sculptures relaxing in a mock Japanese Hot-Spring.
Does it?
I thought not.
Behold all and tremble in erotic excitement at my sexy toilet, yet another reason to come visit me in Kobe:
A toilet so sexy, sometimes I flush it just for fun.
A closeup of my sexy quintet in varying states of nudity.
Click to enlarge! (If only they worked that way in real life...)
Just like real-life super-sexy women, they're made of shiny plastic.Perhaps you're wondering what kind of kinky adults-only porno-emporium your intrepid weblogger had to brave in order to obtain five-inch plastic pieces of sex perfection. The answer: a regular, run-of-the-mill toy store (these were one aisle away from the Lego's) that was a floor below the menswear store where I recently got measured for a business suit. I was feeling slightly emasculated after allowing an effete Japanese fellow armed with metric measuring tape to advance to first base, and so, after exploring racks upon racks of gun-studded robot toys, my gaze drew me to the mysterious porno-sculpture section. A few strange looks from the cashier and a slow ride on the train home later, my toilet achieved a state of raw sex-appeal likely never before seen since our hirsute ancestors first installed an excrement drainage trench in their dank and pee-sodden cave.
Cool, huh? Feel free to share your own sexy toilet stories in the comment section. Until next time, I leave you with this video a powerfully sexy toilet that, almost unbelievably, fails to achieve half the raw sexiness of its primary user:
4 comments:
Dude, what the fuck??!! Do you know how many times that I have slept atleast a portion of the night hugging the various toilets in the various apt's/houses that you have lived in and how many times did I have sexy action figure to keep me company? I'll tell you.. just once(big black butt - thanks Errol). So I see this as a screw you to Ryan, as a haha look at me drunk Ryan can't get at my action figures.. thanks alot Jon, way to be. Im about to hop on a plane and come have a chat with you about these sexy toilet chicks.. P.S. is that a sink ontop of the crapper? Weird! P.P.S. Matt tells me that you are in for the drinking team. Catch ya later. P.P.S.S In regards to the aforementioned(good word for me) armwrestling match from a few months back, we'll settle this when you get back to the states.
1) Big Black Butt? Is that the porno mag Matt & Errol got at the Book Ranch when they were plastered in Old Town FC? I think I went to bed early that night and awoke to find obese and elderly porn scattered about the living room. Ah, memories.
2) AS for the toilet, yep, there's a sorta sink on top. They refill the tank in the open so you can efficiently rinse unpleasant residue from your fingers.
3) Wait, what's this about a drinking team? All I know is I need to watch a movie called "Beerfest". It's high on my to-do list.
4) As for arm-wrestling: any-time, any-place girly-man. I should warn you, though, I've been working out big time ... in the world of Final Fantasy. Seriously, 5 of my characters are well above level 50 and 1 of them is approaching level 70! Are you sure you wanna take me on?
We are talking about video-game arm-wrestling right? There's not another kind, is there?
So first Hooters closes after you leave, and less than 48 hours ago Bruce's Bar in Severance shut its doors for the last time. See what ruins you've left behind!? What's next? Casa Bonita!?
Good lord ... Bruce's shut down? Damn. That place put Severance on the map! What a travesty. That'd be like ... shutting down the Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, Times Square, and both of the twin towers in New York. What would people call New York? Nothing special, that's what.
And don't jinx Casa Bonita. I pray to God to protect it, and He assures me the Hookers will leave Colfax long before Casa closes.
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