Four Hours of Bauer Power: DAMN IT!

The next installment of begins '24' is tomorrow! The premier will be two back-to-back episodes, and then the next day FOX will show two more sequential episodes. That's like a four-hour orgy of violence! I'm so excited, I can't write long sentences full of smooth, flowing prose like I normally do. Instead, I'll post some random Jack Bauer facts I found off the internet and then finish off this post with a youtube video.

Jack Bauer Facts:

• When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
• When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.
• The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
• After Season 6 of 24, the Chinese will be on the Endangered Species List.
• Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
• If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
• There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television. (This is true.)
  
• Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
• Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under his pillow, but he can just as easily kill with the pillow.
• Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic.
• If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
• Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
• Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
• Most pilots need 5,000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 100 feet and a gun.
• On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
• Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
• In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 136 people and saved the world 5 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
• Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes. (potential ESL techniques to be gleaned?)
• Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
• Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
• In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."