Bali: Culture-Shockier than even Japan!

Hi all! I'm doing well here in Bali. Most people here speak passable English, so it's somewhat surprising to be able to talk with random passersby on the street. Unfortunately, most Indonesians you meet here in Kuta are so desperate to earn a buck that conversations attempted are invariably steered toward a sales pitch of some sort. It's never fun to tell poorer people no thanks, especially after an earnest and well-intentioned sales attempt in asecond language, so I've learned to simply ignore all the Indonesians who greet me as I wander the streets. Don't look, don't talk, don't entertain the notion I'm interested buying anything. So I go from Japan, where everone ignores me because I can't speak Japanese, to Bali, where I ignore everyone even though they can speak English and don't ignore me. The desperate hawker-to-tourist ratio is approximately 1:1. which is a tad depressing.

At first I blamed the sorry state of Bali's economy to capitalism run amok. Too many first world country tourists (e.g. Australians, Franche, German, etc. Americans are exceedingly rare here.) treating the Balinese as cheap inhuman servants had led to a population comprised mostly of servile near-beggars. Or so I thought, wondering if I was finally turning into an anti-capitalism leftist.

Then I had a conversation with a taxi driver in which I expressed my surprise at Bali's kind but overwhelming salesman culture. Balinese people are generally all-smiles, happy-go-lucky types, but after I mentioned this the driver snarled with disgust. "It didn't used to be like this," he said angrily. "The bombings have completely changed Bali." He was referring to the Al-Qaeda bombings of 2002 which killed a couple hundred (I think that was the death toll) tourists and Indonesians at a few dance clubs here in Kuta. After the bombings, my driver told me, tourists stopped coming altogether and Bali's economy pretty much collapsed. Multiple hotels and resorts shut down, instantly unemploying thousands and leading to the aforementioned desperate hawker-to-tourist ratio. Since this conversation, I've talked with many other local people, and a clear consesus has emerged: goddamn those bastard terrorists for what they've done here.

This is all kind of interesting to me. At first I was shifting lefty anti-capitalist, and now I'm turning back rightward to my old "kill-the-bastards" frame of mind. Keep in mind, it's not as if all on the political left are buddybuddy to terrorists (although many are, unfortunately). But while the political right issues condemnation (often blind condemnation, which is stupid, to their discredit), the left pretty much offers mealy-mouth exculpation, in the form of self-flagellating speeches on "root causes" or the asinine mantra of "one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter." So, I'm feeling fairly conservative here in Bali. Whodathunk.

Anyhoo, here's a picture I took. Have a great day!

A rare beach view that doesn't show throngs of sunburnt Australians (they were reclining behind me as I shot this). Most of the beaches here are full of topless women, but if I posted a picture with that sort of scenery all my regular readers would have to upgrade (via Visa or MasterCard) to the "Crepuscular Ray Gold Membership Package."

TV Club. (get comfy--this post is huge.)

Shortly before leaving the United States, television was becoming a minimal part of my life. I was busy with my work, my thesis, and fellowship with comrades. When I had nothing to do, I preferred the entertainment provided by books and video games. Sure I would catch the occasional show on my television (I distinctly remember the riveting and sophisticated Flavor of Love), or download an occasional show's season on my computer (Deadwood Season 2, Carnivale, and Extras). I'd also watch football or tune into cable news as I prepared dinner. But that's about it.

I figured that when I came to Japan, my TV watching days would be over. I didn't expect to have easy access to television in English or internet approaching speeds of what I had in the states. Turns out I was wrong on both accounts: about 10 english language cable channels came pre-installed in my furnished apartment, and YahooBB's DSL package is almost as good as Comcast Cable Internet back in FC. Watching and downloading TV was easy, and having zero social life made it an enjoyable use of time. But the major factors that boosted my television-viewing were the new Dolby 5.1 computer stereo system I shipped from America and the massive LCD screen I bought in Osaka. Check out this picture of my desk and bask in the awesomeness of my "workstation":

Is it not glorious?

After setting all this up, I borrowed my upstairs neighbor's copy of Lost Season 1 on DVD and began downloading episodes of South Park. I then discovered that by replacing my wheeled computer chair with a sofa, I could dim all the lights, place my face less than three inches from the screen, and have my own personal IMAX theater.

The question which many of my five readers might be asking is, "sure, your setting's great, Mr. Crepuscular Ray, but isn't television mind-deadening as far as content is concerned, particularly when evaluated against the collective artistry of film?" Well, my snooty friend, that used to be the case, but then The Sopranos came along and changed everything.

The main drawbacks with American television drama were that it was (1) commercial driven which disrupted and often neutered the narrative, and (2) strainingly episodic due to the rushed format which demanded entire stories be squeezed into 22- or 43-minute chunks. The effect was that all shows had to progress in the same stale and stultifying formula: tidily build tension to mini-climaxes before each commercial break, then, with three minutes left in the show, have a 90-second big-climax and a brief resolution/reconciliation period to calm the viewer down and entice her or him to watch again next week. Due to these formulaic constraints, deep character development and nuanced plot subtleties were something a viewer could only find in a book or, if lucky, a movie theater. Character detail needed to be blatantly shunted to our brains as directly as possible, and reality-approximation (something viewer minds subconsciously crave) became laughably absurd. In essence, the damning criticism of television drama was well-founded.

When The Sopranos (and, to some extent, its primitive predecessor Oz) aired on HBO, all this was shown to be avoidable. The show had no commercial interruption drumbeat to march to, but did have 13 episode hours in which to painstakingly develop the story. While The Sopranos started out vaguely episodic ("the one where Tony & Meadow check out colleges" or "the one with the Hasidic motel operator"), it quickly evolved. Today, any given "episode" in the lives of the extended Soprano family is carefully rendered over the course of several episodes of the show, a technique which far better approximates reality. (Are the episodic events in your life always thematically focused and plotted neatly over a precise segment of time? Probably not.) Furthermore, the brass at HBO gave The Sopranos writers unprecedented reign over their program's content. The only requirement was that the show had to be good enough to attract and keep subscribers. It didn't need to help sell cars or makeup, and without corporate sponsorship, there was no fear of advertiser boycotts--it could be as offensive as needed in order to be compelling.

Network television producers and writers watched The Sopranos with envy, and tried their best to ape the show's success in spite of FCC rules and commercial handicaps. Hence the current rise of the serialized drama on primetime network television. Furthermore, with the advent of TiVo, entire TV seasons on DVD, as well as the technological capacity to capture television on computer and share it with strangers, commercial distractions were minimized and an elite class of viewers who could thwart advertisers yet still generate program buzz arose.

All of this leads us to where we are now: instead of sitting in a movie theater to watch a filmed story develop over a two hour chunk, we can now sit at home and watch an even better story develop over 13-24 hours at our leisure (almost like a novel). Fewer crucial story aspects are cut and more story is developed. As a result, better stories are now being told on television and the balance of film-artistry is tipping toward the so-called idiot box.

I never thought I'd see the day.

Anyway, all that is simple background knowlege to set up my next big project: it is my great pleasure to formally announce the existence of something that's already been in informal, unstated existence since I came to Japan: TV Club.

Here's how it works: I recommend a show to you, my friend, and you in turn recommend a show to me and other readers of this here blog. We then watch the shows and have something to talk about. Easy as pie.

There are only two rules: (1) you must watch and recommend shows--no leeches who solely feed off others' suggestions, and no arrogant jerks who bandy about their viewing preferences while dismissing everyone else's; (2) suggested shows must be contemporary, i.e. produced within the last five or so years, in order to reflect the new direction the medium has taken. That means no Greateast American Hero (Zach!), no MacGyver (Ryan!), no Simpsons (Matt!), no Star Trek (Errol!), Star Trek: Next Generation (Errol!!), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (Errol!!!), Star Trek: Voyager (Errol, you goddamned motherfucker, and don't you dare suggest Star Trek:Enterprise!), and no grainy BBC period dramas (that's for you, Elizabeth, assuming you still visit this website!).

Okey-dokey then! Now that all that's settled, for the rest of this post, I'm going to go over shows I've watched since coming to Japan. You can think of them as recommendations, although some are far more recommended than others. Remember, these are all my choices and, as such, they only reflect viewing habits of those with superior taste. (heh heh.) These are all shows I watched since my arrival here, and I present them in the order that I watched them.

LOST Seasons 1 & 2 (ABC) Suggested by: No one. I just got tired of wondering about those silly promos on Monday Night Football.

It's a show about a bunch of people who survive a plane crash only to find themselves on a mysterious island in the South Pacific. Although it still suffers a bit from commercial-dictated cadence, over-the-top melodrama, and episodic focus (different individual flashbacks pace each episode), season one offered some quality serialized drama with decent character depth and a unique premise.

Season two, however, was realistic only in that it made me wonder if the harsh conditions of the island had somehow given me, the viewer, dysentary. Actually, extreme bloody diarrhea would've been preferable. It was that nauseating. During season two I began calling the show Island of Irrational Behavior. Everything was starting to get formulaic: character X does inexplicable act, other "important" stuff happens which leaves me annoyed because my mind still demands some explanation for the now paved-over act, and then, two or three episodes later, a feeble rationale is provided for the original inexplicable act that I now barely remember and no longer care much about. I call this story-telling technique viewer-b-gone.

(best reason to watch LOST?)

Big Love Season 1 (HBO) Suggested by: my creepy and weird fascination with Mormons.

On May 7th, 2006, the FBI placed Warren Jeffs--the apocalypse-prophesyin', gun-collectin', compound-constructin', child-molestin' dictator of America's largest polygamist community--alongside Osama bin Laden on its 10 Most Wanted List. And brass at HBO creamed their pants in sheer delight. Jeffs' skyrocketing notoriety ignited a mini-debate over the ethics of Mormon-related polygamy (although, it should be noted that mainstream Mormons abhor contemporary polygamy and the LDS excommunicates all who practice) at almost the exact same time HBO was unveiling their new drama, Big Love.

I should first clarify a few important distinctions between Jeffs' cult, the FLDS, and the Henrickson family portrayed on the show. The FLDS stockpiles weapons, routinely molests very young girls, banishes young boys (who "compete" with older men looking for more wives), and exists in a self-sustained and isolated vacuum. The Henricksons (a family of one husband and three wives) are unarmed non-molesters fully-integrated in their Salt Lake City community. Except for that whole pesky "no polygamy" rule, they respect the law and act as an otherwise all-American family.

The show itself is fairly decent--well-paced, well-acted, well-written--but somewhat pointless. The primary source of conflict is between the Henrickson patriarch and the polygamist community which banished him as a young boy, yet still manages to disrupt his life. Perhaps the main reason I enjoy Big Love is its contentious but subversive politics. The show's two creators are a gay couple, and the show's polygamy constantly challenges the traditional "marriage = one man + one woman" definition along similar lines as same-sex marriage enthusiasts. I've always been fascinated by strange pairings , and pairings don't get much stranger than gay liberal activists combined with anti-gay conservative polygamist Mormons. It's almost as delightful as ultra-liberal academic pacifists teaming up with ultra-conservative violent Muslim fascists. Almost. (FYI: there is a show that somewhat explores that, but I've only just started watching...)

(the one on the left is my favorite.)

Battlestar Galactica Seasons 1 & 2 (Sci-Fi) Suggested by: George R. R. Martin

I was fairly skeptical going in ... I figured a program produced by the Sci-Fi channel would be low-budget and nerdy. Turns out I was wrong: it's high-budget and nerdy--just the way I like it! The original 1980s series had a great premise, but sucked because it never went anywhere. This show has the same premise, but actually progresses toward the promised end. It's neither too episodic nor too commercial driven, but rather is a decent serial story that features some quality acting and interesting philosophical rumination of the kind that can only be explored in a sci-fi setting. Plus the special effects are top-notch. Finally, you have to give props to a show that gets around those frakking FCC profanity regulations by using phony frakking profanity!

(Left: steely-eyed commander of the fleet, who is cool; Right: dopey President of Humanity. She's supposedly a good character but is so annoying I love to hate her. Does that make me evil?)

24 Seasons 1-5 (FOX) Suggested by: Bill Simmons and the R.A.'s in Corbett Hall.

It was fall of 2001 when the FOX action-adventure government spook drama came out. I remember the promos which featured guns and explosions and non-stop life-or-death tension (honestly: who wouldn't enjoy that?) while at the same time showcasing an irritating digital timer, mutiple moving pictures within the same television frame, and a supposedly new style of storytelling hyped as "real time." That all struck me as gimmicky, so I didn't catch the series premiere. But it wasn't until my moronic History of Film professor solemnly recommended the show to the class ("it contains many of the ... um ... things we are talking about in class," she said) that I knew I had made a wise decision not to watch.

Fast forward five years. I'm dropping off a van-full of Japanese students I picked up at DIA to their new home in Corbett Hall at CSU. The three R.A.s that are supposed to be helping us get the new students settled in their room are instead in the lounge, watching 24 on a big screen TV with sound blaring. I peeked my head into the lounge, caught a whiff of tension in the air, and then marvelled as the show abruptly moved into commercial break with the R.A.'s screaming, "oh my God! Oh my God! Did you see that? Oh my God!" It was like football or something. I turned around and noticed a Japanese student, groggy from 20 hours of travel, also peeking in the room. She then looked at me and, beaming, said in rough but enthusiastic English, "Jack Bauer!" It was then that I knew I should give 24 a shot.

And so, a couple months later, I did. And I don't regret it. 24 isn't nearly the best show on TV, but it always offers the same fare and is almost always reliably delicious. It's like a Big Mac. Plus, the innovative writers have invented their own dramatic cliches. What do I mean by that? Well, take this concept: hero must reconcile with his hated boss so that the boss will consent to his own execution at the hands of the hero in order to appease insane terrorist mastermind thereby buying a few more hours of time for the hero to save the day. Although outlandish, intriguing and utterly original right? Wrong. You can expect that kind of crazy originality approximately once every five or six episodes--but only on 24. And that's just one kind of original concept that 24 regularly makes cliche. We also have "nobility in the face of impending demise due to deadly chemical ingestion" or "executive branch loophole replaces commander-in-chief" or, perhaps most classic, "kidnapped loved ones force hero to subvert his own agency, thereby destroying his good name and earning him incarceration and torture at the hands of his betrayed and bewildered comrades."

Finally, you know the show must be good if it somehow makes Keifer Sutherland look manly and menacing. He's just shy of five feet, I think, and sported a spooky mullet for Lost Boys and a leather skirt/boot outfit in The Three Musketeers. But in the world of 24, Sutherland survives multiple plane crashes, revelations of unfaithful loved ones, extreme torture (once he was actually tortured to death only to be brought back to life in the next episode via external defibrilator), and heroin addiction and tattooing (those last two were contrived to lend credence to an undercover persona he was developing). Plus, he kills more bad guys in a single day than the state of Texas does all year. He's one of only three original characters from season one who are still alive (24 writers are brutal to their cast), and although you know they couldn't possibly kill him off, sometimes you kinda wonder...

(don't worry--he's only an effeminate hobbit in real life.)

Bullshit! Various episodes from seasons 1-4 (Showtime) Suggested by: Errol Jones

This is a fun little non-drama show starring two stand-up comics/magicians (Penn & Teller) who are probably even more libertarian than I. Each episode they examine something they think is Bullshit, and then somewhat thoroughly explain why. I say 'somewhat' because the episodes are hit-and-miss--although more hit than miss, and when they hit they hit hard. Notable Hits: environmental hysteria, apocalypse prophesies, chiropractors and reflexologists, feng shui, bottled water, endangered species act, 9/11 conspiracy theorists, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and the Dalai Lama. Notable Misses: creationism (how they missed such an easy target is beyond me) and the Boy Scouts (who cares?). They have other misses too, but it's getting late and I'm having a hard time recalling them. But if you like thought-provoking, profanity-laced, libertarian commentary, you'd probably enjoy this show. (And South Park.)

(the perfect Mother's Day gift)

Prison Break Season 1 (FOX) Suggested by: no one. I just saw it on the racks at Tsutaya.

Not too good, not too bad. Good premise: guy gets himself thrown in prison so he can bust out his brother who is wrongly sentenced to death row. Execution of plot is so-so. Acting's kind of silly. It's engrossing enough to compel you to watch the entire season (if you're bored) and the main character is an interesting, superintelligent chap--kind of like me, only with full-body tattoos. If you want to make Prison Break at home, just take HBO's Oz, remove its silly "issues" focus, cut back on the sodomy, add lots of fantastic 24ish high-level conspiracy elements, stir together with promised season-ending goal. Viola! Hit TV serial.

(Google image search led me to this picture from gay.com. And this chilling caption: "The exotic features; the rangy build; the sexy, close-cropped hair -- Wentworth Miller just might be our ultimate prison fantasy. Who wouldn't want to share a cell with Wentworth, who plays Michael Scofield on 'Prison Break'?")

Deadwood Season 3 (HBO) Suggested by: the Ghost of William Shakespeare, who decided to return to our mortal plane for the purpose of writing a TV Western.

Seriously. If Shakespeare wrote a TV Western, it'd be Deadwood. It's that good. Instead of me writing about it, I'm just going to post quotes from the show and let it speak for itself:

Jack McCall: "Should we shake hands or something, relieve the atmosphere. I mean how stupid do you think I am?"
Wild Bill Hickok: "I don't know, I just met you."

Al Swearengen to Bullock and Star: "Here's my counter-offer to your counter-offer: go fuck yourself."

Tolliver: "True or not Eddie? -when a man wets his end in Nebraska pussy, his life is changed forever."
Eddie Sawyer: "Speaking only for myself, I still mark the anniversary."

Tolliver to Swearengen: "Sayin' questions in that tone and pointin' your finger at me will get you told to fuck yourself."

Sol to Trixie: "Our stock's depleted, but we are offering a one-hundred percent discount on any item that catches your eye. Our special "Get-Acquainted-With-Those-We'd-Like-to-Get-Acquainted-With sale."

Swearengen: "I ain't pissed off. I'm in fucking wonderment. I'm waiting to be kept happy by another fucking fairytale."

E.B. Farnum: "August commencement to my administration, standing stymied outside a saloon beside a degenerate titlicker."

Doc Cochran: "I told her not to worry about your moods, that you generate those yourself and then think of the excuses for having them."
Swearengen: "Saucy words doc, good thing you're handy with the snatch."

Swearengen: "A human being in his last extremity is a bag of shit."

Tolliver: "And don't the kid in all of us look forward to the new arrival. I still tingle at the bottom of my balls. Who could be coming? President Hayes? Maybe it's jugglers, or face-painters."

Farnum: "Not for us, apparently, the placid harbor, on which voyages near complete, to bog and rot, bob and rot, becalmed. For us, to the very end, the dizzying surges of the storm, and its crashing descents."

Tolliver: "A man might use that time to put some stink on his Johnson."

Farnum: "Puberty may bring you to understand what we take for mother-love is really murderous hatred and a desire for revenge."

Jarry: "Perhaps, then, rather, at this moment--having had in fact no connection to the regrettable incident involving Mrs. Ellsworth--you are Socrates to my Alcibiades, taking it upon yourself to edify me?"
Hearst: "Are you saying you want to fuck me?"

Swearengen: "Dan, don't you agree that truth, if only a pinch, must season every falsehood, or else the palate fucking rebels?"

Entourage Seasons 1-3 (HBO) Suggested by: I'll say Ryan, because, even though we started watching it on our own at approximately the same time, he was a bit ahead of me.

When you take into account HBO's near-flawless record of original television series--The Sopranos, Deadwood, Carnivale, Rome--you start to wonder if their next big series will be a flop. It's like a slot machine that pays out everytime you pull the handle. It can't possibly keep going, can it?

Entourage is yet another jackpot. It features characters that I generally hate in real life--shallow, materialistic, and stupid horndogs--and makes me like them and even (gasp!) root for them. In the show we have one talented, good-looking guy who imports his old high-school buddies from Queens to pal around with him as he becomes a powerful Hollywood movie star. Throw in an unleashed Jeremy Piven as an uber-asshole agent and the series achieves sublime high-comedy. It's also strangely fascinating in a studio-behind-the-scenes sort of way. Highly recommended.

(Piven's ultimate nemesis: a Frankie Muniz-type child actor with designs on his daughter.)

House Seasons 1 & 2 (FOX) Suggested by: Errol & Matt

I usually hate hospital dramas. I once tried to force myself to watch an entire episode of E.R. but I only survived approximately 1/3 of it. The characters were boring, the jargon dense, and the estrogen overpowering. When promos for House first debuted, Errol and I were watching football and we both simultaneously snorted in derision. "Cranky Doctor," Errol labeled it.

A couple years later, I'm in Japan, talking to Errol on the phone and he says he's watching House these days. "Cranky Doctor?" I asked, bewildered. I figured Errol was finally going soft, trading in his hardcore Hegel tomes in favor of network crap like House and Boston Legal (which I still haven't seen, but I suspect Errol likes it mainly because of Grandpa Kirk). A couple weeks later, Matt also recommended the same show. OK, OK maybe I'll try it if I ever get incredibly bored, I thought. Then school ended, summer began, and a boredom the likes of which man has rarely experienced outside of solitary confinement commenced.

Guess what? House doesn't suck! It's formulaic and episodic in an old school sense, but I still somehow enjoy and even crave it. It's kind of a guilty pleasure for me. I think part of the reason is the show's focus--diagnostic medicine instead of trauma surgery--while the other part is the cantankerous and borderline psychotic/sexist/racist/misanthropic character of the main character. The last episode I watched featured House forbidding the black doctor from using the office whiteboard. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked, petulantly. "This is a whiteboard." The show is a constant reminder that with "tenure" of any form comes godlike power. I'd gotta get me some "tenure".

To give you the crackling flavor of House, I now present for you an authentic text messaging conversation I recently had with Matt:

Me: Differential diagnosis--GO!

Matt: Subdermal Himatoma!

Me: Can't be. His neuroencephelons are off the charts. Think harder. You're paid too much to be this stupid.

Matt: The black plague!

Me: Precisely. Perhaps that head of yours isn't just for looks. Get him an MRI, then a CT. Well, GO!

Matt: Shall we do a whole body scan too?

Me: Sure ... if you want him to die of a massive brain hemorrhage. Now get me my pants.

Matt: Wow somebody is off the wagon early this morning!

That's pretty much what the show is like. It's actually quite good.

(Guess which one is Dr. House.)

Phew! This post is about finished. I've now caught everyone up to how I've spent the last five months here in Japan. In 48 hours I'll be going to Bali for 10 days. I'm gonna try to do an update while I'm there, but if not, I give a full debriefing when I return. Assuming I return ... everyone delights in telling me how dangerous Bali is. Maybe I'll even post some South Pacific Crepuscular Ray digital photographs. We'll see. Until next time, use the comment feature to suggest TV shows. This is something you need to do if you want to stay in TV Club.

Peace out, homies!

Sleepy Kitten

Look how sleepy it is! AWWW!

All Access Tour of the Fortress of Solitude

A virtual tour of my apartment! Enjoy!

EVERYONE'S CRAZY! (a play in three scenes)

Hello friends. Can't write much. I'm finishing the last gasp summer session teaching thing before the onslaught of vacation. The class I've been teaching for the past few days is drama, and that's been a proverbial "hoot" (check Proverbs for the "owl sound=fun" metaphor...I'm sure it's in there). Anyway, today my students collaborated on a play entitled Everyone's Crazy! and they'll be practicing and performing it for the next few days. If any readers are interested, please join us at the Kobe Kaisei College Auditorium at 1:00 PM this Sunday (Aug. 6th) for a performance of the play as well as refreshments.

Because I'm so proud of my students, I've decided to publish their script here. Please don't plagiarize (I've already sent a manuscript in to the Japanese Copyright Office, so it's too late to claim you wrote it), but if you know any cultured Hollywood or Broadway script agents, feel free to pass it along.

As for what it's about, I'll leave it to the readers and audience members to interpret and derive meaning. Let's just say it has elements of Oedipus Rex with even more romance yet none of the icky eye-gouging. Thanks for reading, and enjoy!

EVERYONE’S CRAZY

A play in three scenes

Written, produced, and performed by the Kobe Kaisei Summer Drama Class

Characters

CASSIE, beautiful girl and heroine of the play (Yuki)

JIM, Cassie’s 2^nd boyfriend and Jack’s brother (Yoko)

JACK, Cassie’s 1^st boyfriend and Jim’s brother (Marika)

PRIEST, the person performing the wedding (Ikue)

MOTHER #1, Cassie’s true mother, robbed of her baby (Shiho)

MOTHER #2, the woman who receives baby Cassie (Ikue)

the DOCTOR, an evil man who does crazy things (Keiko)

NARRATOR and SOUND EFFECTS (Shiho)

Scene 1

NARRATOR: Our story begins in a hospital, where we are happy for new life. Baby Cassie has been born, and she sleeps peacefully in her mother's arms.

MOTHER #1: Oh! Cassie has been born!

[holds baby]

DOCTOR : Congratulations!

[claps hands]

MOTHER #1: Thank you!

DOCTOR: Now I need to take baby Cassie to be inspected. I will bring her right back.

[To Audience]: I’ll steal Cassie!

[smile]

MOTHER #1: OK. Here you go!

[gives baby to Doctor, who leaves room and meets Mother #2]

DOCTOR: This baby is present for you.

[Doctor gives baby to Mother #2]

MOTHER #2: Wow! I’m happy! Thank you very much!

[Doctor leaves and goes back to Mother #1’s room]

MOTHER #1: Oh, no! Where is my baby?

DOCTOR: Mother, I gave Cassie to someone else. Ha ha ha!

MOTHER #1: [very angry] Why did you do that?

DOCTOR: Because I am crazy and Cassie is very cute.

MOTHER #1: [very sad] Oh my God! Cassie is gone, but at least I have two children: Jim and Jack.

Scene 2

NARRATOR: 20 years have passed. Cassie is now an adult, and she is taking a romantic car trip with her boyfriend, Jack.

JACK: It’s a fine day!

CASSIE: Yes! I think so too.

[Both listen to music]

CASSIE: What’s wrong, Jack? You’re talk little.

JACK: Really? It’s normal!

[Both listen to music]

JACK: Let’s enjoy the beach, even though it’s winter! Ha ha!

CASSIE: I’m looking forward to going to the beach with you…

…because…

JACK: What? ?

CASSIE: Mmm… Nothing!

JACK: We will arrive at the beach soon. YEAH!

[car arrives at beach and stops. Jack and Cassie exit car and play in the beach]

CASSIE: Look! That’s very beautiful, Jack. But I feel a little cold.

JACK: Wow! It’s very beautiful! But …

… you’re more beautiful.

CASSIE: [surprised] Wow!

JACK: Hey …

[speaks softly] Cassie, I will love you until death. Will you marry me?

CASSIE: [non-verbal cue] Wow! I’m very happy now! I want to live happily from now with you.

JACK: Really? I’m very happy too!

[Jack and Cassie hug, enter car, and drive away while singing a romantic song]

JACK: Cassie, you’re very cute! I can’t keep my eyes off you!

[car crashes loudly. Jack is unconscious and Cassie has hurt her head.]

CASSIE: Who am I? [asks audience] Do you know me?

[Jim shows up!]

JIM: Oh! I know you! You’re my girlfriend!

CASSIE: Holy Cow! You’re very handsome!

JIM: Thanks. Will you marry me?

CASSIE: Yes, yes, yes!

[Jim and Cassie leave accident and go to nearby church. End of Scene 2]

Scene 3

NARRATOR: Right after the accident, Jim and Cassie go to a church to get married. Will Jack wake up? Will Cassie be married? Will everyone find true love? Watch, to learn the answers.

PRIEST: Do you, Cassie, take Jim to be your husband?

CASSIE: I do.

PRIEST: And do you, Jim, take Cassie to be your wife?

JIM: I do.

PRIEST: Then if no one has any objections—

[enter Jack]

JACK: Wait!

CASSIE: Who are you?

JIM: Yeah, who are you?

JACK: I’m Jack. I need her! She is my fiancée.

JIM: Good joke, Jack. You’re a funny guy!

JACK: I promised to get married to her before you did.

JIM: There’s something wrong with you. Is anybody here a doctor?

DOCTOR: [stands up from audience] Yes. Yes I am.

JACK: Is there something wrong with me?

DOCTOR: Yes. Yes there is.

JACK: Well? What?

DOCTOR: I think you’re crazy!

CASSIE: I agree.

JACK: Hey! [points to Cassie] You’re crazy! You forgot me!

DOCTOR: I agree. She’s crazy.

JIM: We’ll get married right now.

DOCTOR: Wait, wait! You can’t married.

JIM: Why not? Tell me!

DOCTOR: In fact, Jim is your brother, Cassie.

CASSIE: What?

JACK: So you can’t get married, Cassie! [to Jim] I get her.

DOCTOR: Wait, wait! You can’t get married, either.

JACK: Why not?

DOCTOR: You’re Cassie’s brother, too! I know because I’m the doctor who sold Cassie when she was a baby.

JIM, JACK, CASSIE: What!? You’re kidding!

PRIEST: Calm down, everyone. I have a good idea.

CASSIE: What’s your good idea?

PRIEST: You three can live together as a family.

JIM, JACK, CASSIE: WOW! That sounds good.

ALL CAST IN UNISON: Everyone is crazy!!!