EVERYONE'S CRAZY! (a play in three scenes)

Hello friends. Can't write much. I'm finishing the last gasp summer session teaching thing before the onslaught of vacation. The class I've been teaching for the past few days is drama, and that's been a proverbial "hoot" (check Proverbs for the "owl sound=fun" metaphor...I'm sure it's in there). Anyway, today my students collaborated on a play entitled Everyone's Crazy! and they'll be practicing and performing it for the next few days. If any readers are interested, please join us at the Kobe Kaisei College Auditorium at 1:00 PM this Sunday (Aug. 6th) for a performance of the play as well as refreshments.

Because I'm so proud of my students, I've decided to publish their script here. Please don't plagiarize (I've already sent a manuscript in to the Japanese Copyright Office, so it's too late to claim you wrote it), but if you know any cultured Hollywood or Broadway script agents, feel free to pass it along.

As for what it's about, I'll leave it to the readers and audience members to interpret and derive meaning. Let's just say it has elements of Oedipus Rex with even more romance yet none of the icky eye-gouging. Thanks for reading, and enjoy!

EVERYONE’S CRAZY

A play in three scenes

Written, produced, and performed by the Kobe Kaisei Summer Drama Class

Characters

CASSIE, beautiful girl and heroine of the play (Yuki)

JIM, Cassie’s 2^nd boyfriend and Jack’s brother (Yoko)

JACK, Cassie’s 1^st boyfriend and Jim’s brother (Marika)

PRIEST, the person performing the wedding (Ikue)

MOTHER #1, Cassie’s true mother, robbed of her baby (Shiho)

MOTHER #2, the woman who receives baby Cassie (Ikue)

the DOCTOR, an evil man who does crazy things (Keiko)

NARRATOR and SOUND EFFECTS (Shiho)

Scene 1

NARRATOR: Our story begins in a hospital, where we are happy for new life. Baby Cassie has been born, and she sleeps peacefully in her mother's arms.

MOTHER #1: Oh! Cassie has been born!

[holds baby]

DOCTOR : Congratulations!

[claps hands]

MOTHER #1: Thank you!

DOCTOR: Now I need to take baby Cassie to be inspected. I will bring her right back.

[To Audience]: I’ll steal Cassie!

[smile]

MOTHER #1: OK. Here you go!

[gives baby to Doctor, who leaves room and meets Mother #2]

DOCTOR: This baby is present for you.

[Doctor gives baby to Mother #2]

MOTHER #2: Wow! I’m happy! Thank you very much!

[Doctor leaves and goes back to Mother #1’s room]

MOTHER #1: Oh, no! Where is my baby?

DOCTOR: Mother, I gave Cassie to someone else. Ha ha ha!

MOTHER #1: [very angry] Why did you do that?

DOCTOR: Because I am crazy and Cassie is very cute.

MOTHER #1: [very sad] Oh my God! Cassie is gone, but at least I have two children: Jim and Jack.

Scene 2

NARRATOR: 20 years have passed. Cassie is now an adult, and she is taking a romantic car trip with her boyfriend, Jack.

JACK: It’s a fine day!

CASSIE: Yes! I think so too.

[Both listen to music]

CASSIE: What’s wrong, Jack? You’re talk little.

JACK: Really? It’s normal!

[Both listen to music]

JACK: Let’s enjoy the beach, even though it’s winter! Ha ha!

CASSIE: I’m looking forward to going to the beach with you…

…because…

JACK: What? ?

CASSIE: Mmm… Nothing!

JACK: We will arrive at the beach soon. YEAH!

[car arrives at beach and stops. Jack and Cassie exit car and play in the beach]

CASSIE: Look! That’s very beautiful, Jack. But I feel a little cold.

JACK: Wow! It’s very beautiful! But …

… you’re more beautiful.

CASSIE: [surprised] Wow!

JACK: Hey …

[speaks softly] Cassie, I will love you until death. Will you marry me?

CASSIE: [non-verbal cue] Wow! I’m very happy now! I want to live happily from now with you.

JACK: Really? I’m very happy too!

[Jack and Cassie hug, enter car, and drive away while singing a romantic song]

JACK: Cassie, you’re very cute! I can’t keep my eyes off you!

[car crashes loudly. Jack is unconscious and Cassie has hurt her head.]

CASSIE: Who am I? [asks audience] Do you know me?

[Jim shows up!]

JIM: Oh! I know you! You’re my girlfriend!

CASSIE: Holy Cow! You’re very handsome!

JIM: Thanks. Will you marry me?

CASSIE: Yes, yes, yes!

[Jim and Cassie leave accident and go to nearby church. End of Scene 2]

Scene 3

NARRATOR: Right after the accident, Jim and Cassie go to a church to get married. Will Jack wake up? Will Cassie be married? Will everyone find true love? Watch, to learn the answers.

PRIEST: Do you, Cassie, take Jim to be your husband?

CASSIE: I do.

PRIEST: And do you, Jim, take Cassie to be your wife?

JIM: I do.

PRIEST: Then if no one has any objections—

[enter Jack]

JACK: Wait!

CASSIE: Who are you?

JIM: Yeah, who are you?

JACK: I’m Jack. I need her! She is my fiancée.

JIM: Good joke, Jack. You’re a funny guy!

JACK: I promised to get married to her before you did.

JIM: There’s something wrong with you. Is anybody here a doctor?

DOCTOR: [stands up from audience] Yes. Yes I am.

JACK: Is there something wrong with me?

DOCTOR: Yes. Yes there is.

JACK: Well? What?

DOCTOR: I think you’re crazy!

CASSIE: I agree.

JACK: Hey! [points to Cassie] You’re crazy! You forgot me!

DOCTOR: I agree. She’s crazy.

JIM: We’ll get married right now.

DOCTOR: Wait, wait! You can’t married.

JIM: Why not? Tell me!

DOCTOR: In fact, Jim is your brother, Cassie.

CASSIE: What?

JACK: So you can’t get married, Cassie! [to Jim] I get her.

DOCTOR: Wait, wait! You can’t get married, either.

JACK: Why not?

DOCTOR: You’re Cassie’s brother, too! I know because I’m the doctor who sold Cassie when she was a baby.

JIM, JACK, CASSIE: What!? You’re kidding!

PRIEST: Calm down, everyone. I have a good idea.

CASSIE: What’s your good idea?

PRIEST: You three can live together as a family.

JIM, JACK, CASSIE: WOW! That sounds good.

ALL CAST IN UNISON: Everyone is crazy!!!