Another video Ryan can't enjoy!

Greetings, all! It has come to my attention, via the comment feature, that not everyone can view my videos, and can I please stop posting them.

Ahem:

NO!

Here's why:

• Ryan brought up my zombie love slave. It's not that I'm embarrassed of her, but I wasn't going to publicly mention our relationship until we had both discussed and agreed on an appropriate time and venue. Now she's pissed that I told a few friends and shows her displeasure via a mixture of the silent treatment and scattered attempts to eat my brains. Thanks, Ryan. Now I'm tempted to post 50 videos out of pure spite.
  
• Time it takes for me to post a video with short comment: 30 seconds
• Time it takes for me to write and then post a substantive article with lots of pictures and phony bumper-stickers that you can't really buy (sorry, Matt): 15 hours

From those second two facts, one might deduce that I'm really busy during my spring break here in Japan, and I just don't have time to post substantive updates. That's very true. I find that in a daily schedule packed with video games and masturbation, it's difficult to find time to do the things I really enjoy.

Like this blog.

So, until I have more time, you'll just have to endure these silly clips between my sporadic yet massive prose bombings. If it takes a week to download a video, I suggest you get started on the "Hobo With A Shotgun" video I posted a few weeks back. Although it got zero comments, several Crepuscular Ray fans have telephoned me and told me how touching it was.

That said, I do, in fact, have a massive, substantive post all written and ready to publish. I originally wrote it to commemorate one year of living in Japan, but then I decided that marking the revolution of the Earth around the sun is a tired and cliched way to observe the passage of time. I won't do it. Next thing you know, I'll be bundling time in multiples of five and ten. Why? Because that's what every other stupid human on this planet does. Five and ten aren't meaningful--they're completely arbitrary. No, my friends, the new post will go up immediately after I've enjoyed my 422nd pain-free bowel movement since the dissipation of my anal fissure, and not a moment before!

Let's see here ... mentioned a zombie love slave, playing video games, masturbation, bowel movements, and an anal fissure in my checkered past. Of course, I was just kidding about all that stuff. Heh heh. Heh.

For instance, I never poop, but even if I did, it wouldn't ever hurt.

Heh.

Enjoy this music video from LCD Soundsystem called "North American Scum." I kind of like it for some reason.