A gathering of creepy dorks...

Peace be unto you, fellow earthling!

I just returned from Kokura, a lively burg situated on the northern tip of Japan's westernmost island, Kyushu. The ostensible reason for my trip was the JALT conference there--JALT stands for "Japanese Association of Language Teachers"--but my close friends understand exactly how much I care for the community of those in my profession and have likely surmised (correctly) that my true motivations laid elsewhere.

About the conference: one might think it would be a place where language teachers would go to share resources and techniques to aid in language instruction. To be fair, there were workshops where things like that went on. But, for the most part, it was teachers predictably circle-jerking over stupid shit that has very little to do with actually teaching language. Don't just take my word for it--here's a list of actual presentation titles, each of which struck me as hilarious:

• Using Media and Drama to Promote Global Awareness
• Raising Bicultural Kids in Multicultural Melbourne
• Infusing Multiculturalism in Teaching Research
• Okinawa Longevity and Wellness for Lifelong Learning
• Esperanto Forum (I actually attended this one, driven by the same fundamental curiosity that draws carnival-goers to a freakshow)
• Language Teaching, Global Human Issues, and Peace
• Promoting Sustainability in the EFL Classroom
• Human Rights, Disney, and You!
• Raising Student Awareness of Poverty
• The Bilingual Songwriter (seriously ... what the fuck?)
  
• U.N. Children's Documentary: What's Going On?
• Peace Studies for University EFL Students
• Emancipation Now!
• Yoga and Meditation for Better Language Learning
• Exploring Mirages with Group Reflection Activities
• The Language and Pragmatics of Sexual Harassment

In all fairness, there were plenty of presentations which presented interesting techniques that actually operated under the assumption that language teaching was the primary goal in running a language class, even over tremendously wankworthy urgencies such as global consciousness-raising and child-brainwashing techniques. But those seemed few and far between, and attendees were sparse. No, the flute-toting hippies and creepy dorks of indoctrination won the day, forcing me to wonder if I belong to a minority of language teachers in Japan who believe substantive topics, like grammar or pronunciation, are more relevant to learning a language than emptyheaded geopolitical sloganeering.

Oh well.

Now for the real reason I went: to see a couple of old grad school chums, Aaron and Elizabeth, who now live and teach at opposite ends of Tokyo. Aaron, I was delighted to see, has kept his paranoid charm and remains a brilliant little ball of hate with a heart of gold. He thrilled me by lending credence to 9/11 conspiracy theories, and then admirably kept his cool as I assailed his cockamamie beliefs with withering scrutiny. We may have our disagreements about that (as well as most other conspiracy theories) but we are united in our shared belief that Mother Theresa, the Dalai Lama, and Ghandi actually form a trio of douchebags. Plus, he's a fellow libertarian/anarchist, so I kind of think of him as a political kindred spirit.

I've done a much better job of keeping in touch with Elizabeth (a noted Crepuscular Ray comment contributor), so one might think my excitement at the prospect of reuniting with her would be slightly diminished. Not so! I was strangely nervous to hang out with her again, and I was worried her colleagues/friends/traveling companions would dislike me for some reason. But all fears dissipated while consuming a pre-Turkish-dinner donut in which I quickly realized that (1) Elizabeth's friends are cool people, and (2) Elizabeth's quick wit and contagious vivacity remain intact, as does her open and caring nature. She seems to be handling the transition to Japan with more aplomb and dignity than I did/do, but this is hardly surprising as she is a strong person.

I really missed her, and I was happy to spend a few nights drinking with both her and Aaron. I think I pestered both by pressing politics, but I figured, when's the next time I'll be having a face-to-face conversation with an intelligent English-speaker? Might as well make the most of it.

Anyway, the weekend's over, and I'm back to my solitary, monastic life ... but I'm actually feeling OK about that. I know I have friends all over this planet--good friends, the kind who would help me dispose of a body or two on short notice with no questions asked--and even though they aren't in this city, I will survive. It just means I have to keep the body count down.

Here's a cheery picture of a traveling insect musician: