Yes, actually. I am ready for some football. Go team.

I came back from Bali a week ago, but it kind of feels like yesterday. This is because every day feels exactly the same. And that's because everyday I do the exact same shit: wake up around 11 AM, text message Matt or Ryan for little while, watch whatever I downloaded the night before, play video games, walk around the neighborhood at dusk, eat a meal, read or write, then take melatonin and go to sleep. Next day, repeat. I'm kind of suffering a malaise of sorts, but I'm not sure if that's because of the prison-like monotony or the complete absence of face-to-face communication with another human. It's strange how just last year I was working two jobs (IEP & windshield delivery) and waging war against CSU's graduate school. This was right after wrapping up my thesis. I remember thinking, golly gee, wouldn't it be swell to have some time to just do nothing? If an angry deity is out there designing my own personal hell, I would guess that it wouldn't be a hectic and stressful place, but rather a boring and lonely one. Oh well. School starts in a few weeks, and I'm really excited about that. Something about working a job kinda gives one's life purpose.

Wow... re-read that last sentence.

I'mturningJapaneseIthinkI'mturningJapaneseIreallythinkso.

The bright side of boredom is that it has allowed me to plumb the depths of the internet for miracle technology heretofore unknown to the yearning masses. Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly reveal to you my newest, sparkling find: TVU.

What is this assuredly wonderful innovation? Well, it's software that allows users to stream live television over the internet! This means that, with the appropriate hardware, I could connect my television to my computer, and anyone interested could discover the vast wasteland that is Japanese television! (Coincidentally, I doubt any non-Japanese person would seriously enjoy Japanese TV, which consistently airs, at any given hour, baseball games, variety shows, shopping/telethon networks, baseball games, music videos, samurai movies, and baseball games.)

But the truly inspired use of this technology is to deliver American television to the international ex-pat community (of which I am a member). Some kind and techno-savvy soul uses TVU to consistently broadcast San Francisco's ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX channels, as well as Comedy Central, CNN, ESPN, ESPN2, and HBO over the internet. This allows me to watch primetime American television in the early hours of the morning!

Perhaps the longtime Crepuscular Ray reader is asking, wait a minute! Weren't you boasting, just a few months ago, that you have means of downloading American TV programs? Means that allow you to conveniently watch programs when you want, commericial-free and in high-definition on your windshield-sized monitor? What's the big deal about this TVU thingy?

Good question! Two advantages to watching live TVU over downloaded programs:

(1) You can see commercials on TVU. I'm serious: this is an advantage. Just when I was wondering if American culture had somehow progressed intellectually in the six months since I left, I witnessed a Taco Bell commercial featuring "Bruno", an East-European competitive eating champion who carelessly devoured a half-pound burrito before a match. Bruno's awesome hunger is sated and he is clearly satisfied, but his eating coach is livid because Bruno's act has rendered him unable to compete! This inevitably raises the question: Why did Bruno eat a huge burrito before a competitive eating match? Was it the visual and olfactorial appeal of the Taco Bell product? Was it overconfidence in his stomach capacity and eating prowess? Or was it (and this is my favorite theory) a subconscious act of rebellion against a pushy coach--the East-European competitive eater equivalent of James Van Der Beek's memorable "I don't want ... YOUR life!" stance from Varsity Blues. But then it occurs to me that it's none of these things--it's just another insultingly retarded American TV commercial, and witnessing it was like a familiar care-package from home.

(2) There are many programs that one cannot easily or quickly download. Namely, sporting events. Namely, NFL football. Namely ... BRONCOS FOOTBALL! That's right, sportsfans! As long as it's airing in San Francisco, I can catch the Denver Broncos live. How wonderful is that? I discovered and installed TVU approximately 24 hours before the Broncos' season opener, and then stayed up until 2 AM to watch the game. And how did the Football Gods reward me for my above-and-beyond ingenuity and dedication? By serving up a putrid and offensively-embarassing loss! Thanks, Football Gods! I'll never understand why Football Athiests don't believe in you or your painfully mysterious ways! Clearly you all are up there ... and laughing.

Anyway, that's TVU. Picture quality is decent, price is right (i.e. FREE!), and, for the moment, it's legal! So enjoy it while it lasts.

Now, I'm going to try my hand at NFL prognostication regarding matchups. This is something I did every week last season in e-mail exchanges with Chris, and I figured why the hell not just post it on my blog? So here you go. Last week I guessed well. 11 correct, and 5 incorrect--I underestimated the Vikings, Cardinals, Rams, Falcons, and Jaguars. If you don't belive me, check with Chris.

Here's my picks for Week 2:

Dolphins over Bills
Ravens over Raiders (who are already on the clock)
Colts over Texans
Bengals over Browns
Bears over Lions
Panthers over Vikings
Giants over Eagles (slight upset)
Falcons over Bucs
Packers over Saints (another slight upset)
49ers over Rams (yet another slight upset)
Seahawks over Cardinals
Patriots over Jets (I'm preducting this will be the most exciting game this week)
Chargers over Titans (but not a blowout as Vegas is predicting)
Cowboys over Redskins
Steelers over Jaguars

... and... last but not least:

Broncos over Larry Johnson (I'm hoping the start of 2006 mirrors the start of 2005)

Week 2 Theme: Humbled Offenses (Seahawks, Panthers, Packers, Broncos) Strike Back Huge. I'm thinking "statement games" from these four teams.

In other "sporting" news, who's excited for Survivor this season? I hear that contestants will be segregated according to popularly-held notions of race! Team Yellow, Team Reddish-Brown, Team Black, and Team White. Bringing back segregation ... who wouldn't think it's a wonderful idea? I've always wondered which race truly is the master race, and I guess we'll all soon find out as inferior races are banished one-by-one from the island. I'm predicting racists of every color will use minutiae from the reality show to fortify their ethnic stereotypes. What will be said, for example, if the Asians win a mental challenge, or if the Euros lose a dancing competition? And won't the Latinas be closely-scrutinized for any behavior resembling "fiery"? And what kind of reaction might occur if the White team scores a shady win over the Black team in a questionable challenge? I have a feeling lots of nasty history is gonna get drudged up. Another prediction? The phrase "40 acres and a mule" will angrily and sarcastically pop up at least eight times this season.

But a huge cultural double-standard will be revealed: it's fine to root for the Asian-Americans, Latin Americans, and African-Americans, but if you become a huge fan of the Anglo-American team, doesn't that automatically make you racist? Are so-called "white" people allowed to be proud of so-called "white" accomplishments? That's not socially-acceptable in reality, but maybe in reality-television. Or maybe pride garnered for Team Whitey will be tempered by historical guilt. Another prediction: the phrase "what we've done to their people" will guiltily pop up at least every other episode.

I'm actually a little eager to find out how all this will go down. I wonder if I can easily download this season of Survivor, and what it says about me as a person if I actually do.

And that's about enough babble for this post. I figure I'll end with some video footage of the last time I spent much time around people: in the lounge at the hotel I stayed at in Bali. The lounge singer, Josie, is covering Guns n Roses, and the Aussie tourists break out their best moves. I got served. Sometimes hanging out with people can be frightening.