Unsettling days.

This waiting around business isn't for me. I'd like to say these recent days have been busy and productive, but there's really not much for me to do. At the same time, they haven't been relaxing, either. There's just too much stuff I'm really anxious about.

I started shipping out my stuff this week. On Monday, I shipped out two boxes of indispensable books that managed to avoid the dumpster. I used "M-Bags" from the USPS--a good, cheap way to send printed material overseas (thanks to my friend Aaron for the tip, by the way). On Thursday, I sent out the box containing my PS2, George Foreman Grill, DVD Player, some old writing manuscripts, and other miscellaneous stuff. Together, both shipments cost about $200, and, seeing how I likely have about 2-3 more boxes still left (one of which being the ultra-expensive airfrieght for my PC & peripherals), I'm starting to get very concerned about my available moving funds.

That's why I really need my car to sell. I have an ad out in the paper, but that's only drawn a few phone calls. One guy said he wanted to look at it today, but the bastard stood me up! (Usually that only happens with girls, heh heh.) I've invested a lot of money into it recently: the new igntion lock cylinder, an oil change, a carwash + wax, and some long-overdue hubcaps. I've never had hubcaps on it before (they struck me as extravagent and unnecessary), but they're on there now. My car officially looks better than it ever has, but I still can't sell the damn thing. Once it does sell, I'll feel much more financially secure.

On Monday, I drove a van to pick up some international students from DIA. They're Kobe Kaisei students from the school I'll soon be teaching at, and I and another teacher needed to drive them from the airport to their dorms at Colorado State University via passenger vans rented out from CSU's motor pool.

This other teacher/van driver has disturbed me from the day I met him. He frequently discusses how much he loves all things Japanese, especially the women. I've met plenty of people who prefer Asian women, and I've often wondered if this constitutes a so-called "fetish." But now I understand the difference between preference and fetish. Preference means, I think, a natural gravitation toward a certain type, but nothing so single-minded that others of a different type are immediately disregarded. What this other teacher/van driver appears to have, however, is not a preference, but rather a full-blown Asian woman fetish.

Here's what I mean:

• Before deciding to go with two passenger vans, the IEP was planning on using one passenger, and one luggage van. This guy was quite insistent that he drive the van with people in it. What's the big deal? The exhausted students usually just fall asleep in the van, relegating them to the same sphere as luggage as far as company is concerned.
• When we arrived at the airport, this guy started taking numerous pictures of the students. Japanese girls are, for the most part, far from camera-shy, but they've been sitting on a cramped and hot airplane for the better part of 24 hours. If I were in their position, I certainly wouldn't want some stranger taking pictures of me. (I don't even want to know what he was doing with the pictures afterward. . .)
• Later, this guy started questioning the students about their physical dimensions. Not like underwear measurements, but rather height and so on. Strange, huh?
• When he arrived at the dorm his students were staying in, he stayed a full 30 minutes longer than I did. What was he doing? Well, according to him, he was helping them arrange their closets and double-checking on them to make sure they were OK before he left. How would you like it if some weird guy helped you unpack?
  

Overall, I was quite creeped out, but at least it was an educational experience on the distinction between preference and fetish. A fetish seems to entail an obsession or mania, and this guy definately seemed obsessed. The aggravating part of the whole episode was that this guy could get away with doing creepy things like this because the students, who likely haven't met too many Americans, might assume his creepy behavior is just the way American men are. The alarming part is that he might also be a teacher for several of these students at the IEP, and the combination of a lopsided power dynamic and an apparent obsession could create an awful experience for these students. I was planning on informing someone in power, but someone else who was there that night did the job for me (thanks Jordan!), so I can go away to Japan knowing that this guy will be monitored.

But that's about the only thing I really feel settled about right now. I'm having some mixed feelings about leaving Fort Collins. On the one hand, I love this town. I've lived in it for the majority of my life, and I know just about every neighborhood inside and out. I'm comfortable here. On the other hand, I often feel as if I've worn out my welcome. In spite of living here for years, there's only a small handful of people I'd really consider friends.

Oh well. This could just be another manifestation of the cyclical meloncholy I'm often prone to. Or maybe I'm just jittery about the upcoming flight, and my nerves about this are spilling over into other areas of my life. I really hate commercial flying. Really. Here's the truth: I would rather some guy in a safari hat shoot me a dozen times with a tranquilizer rifle and transport me to Japan in a gorilla cage than fly economy class across the Pacific. I'm dead serious, and if anyone reading this can help me out in this regard, I'd really appreciate it.

Anyhoo, enough bitching from me. I'll end this post with a picture by the incomparable Cyril Rolando. I think it accurately reflects my mood.